Thursday, December 14, 2017

Yesterday, I cried

photo image courtesy of Pixabay.com
"You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle;
Are they not in Your book?" 
Psalms 56:8 NKJV

Hi, my name is Beth and I’m a crier. It’s just what I do, and I’m pretty good at it, just ask my family.

You regularly hear phrases around my house like, “Oh no Mom read something sad on the internet again,” and, “This will definitely make Mom cry”. They know me well.

I am all in with Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.” It’s who I am. It’s me.

I don’t mind, I actually love being excited about what you are excited about and there is much to be learned and great faith to be grown, in walking with others through their times of weeping.

However, there is a difference between weeping with someone and being the one who weeps.

Yesterday, I was the one who wept.

Yesterday,  I felt the full weight of sadness and heartbreak and my failure. I wasn't walking through it with someone else, it was just me.

Just me and God.

Yesterday, I was in a place where I never thought we would be.

Yesterday, as I listened to the words of what had to be done, I could not hold back the tears. They came and they never went away.

Yesterday, I was in a courtroom. We were there to petition the court for guardianship of our son. It was hard. I never imagined at the beginning of this journey that this would be a place we would walk through. I didn't want to walk through this place. But, we are walking through it, and I cried every step of the way. 

What do I do with these tears, the tears you have when things don’t work out the way you thought they would?

Where do you put the tears you cry when you feel you have failed?

Where do our heartbroken tears go?

Yesterday, I searched for answers...

"You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?" Psalms 56:8 NKJV

Yesterday, I was reminded that God is all in with weeping with those who weep. He is in, to the point that He remembers every single tear we cry.

John 11:35 says, “Jesus wept.”

Yesterday, I wept.

One day, you too, will weep.

And God will hold every single tear.

Dear Heavenly Father, You know our hopes and dreams, our heartaches and our fears...You alone hold and know every tear that we cry. God there is no greater comfort, and we are grateful even in our deepest sorrow knowing that we are never alone. Please Father make your presence known to those who weep today. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

~Beth

4 comments:

  1. This is beautiful. It is soothing and encourages my soul. I have struggled with reconciling my "dream family and career" with my REAL life. Instead of being a working mom, I am a homemaker and primary caregiver to a severely disabled daughter AND partially disabled spouse. I LOVE my family, but this cross is a heavy one to carry.

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    1. Oh Denie, I struggle with it all too. I am pretty sure we all do on some level. It helps to know we are not alone in all of our struggles. I do pray for you often and I am so happy you found encouragement in my post.

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  2. We just completed guardianship for our daughter too. Lots of crying and then the Holy Spirit whispered this verse to me. So take a new grip with your tired hands and stand firm on your shaky legs, mama. Mark out a straight path for your feet. Then those who follow u tho they are weak and lame will not stumble and fall but will become strong. Hebrews 12.2f. It was a beautiful whisper. Guardianship has become a choice to fully participate in God's plan for our daughter's life. When she was born, special needs were thrust on me and I really struggled with saying,yes to the challenge. This "round" I feel empowered to fully choose and embrace these next year's of the journey. And then I weep because the challenge still has grieving ouchy places. Loved your post. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Katrina thank you so much for sharing that, it helps to know others walk through this with similar struggles. I love your perspective of choosing this round.

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