Monday, September 11, 2017

the black cloud

"I’m still in your presence,
    but you’ve taken my hand.
You wisely and tenderly lead me,
    and then you bless me."
Psalm 73:23-24, MSG

A very common theme among special needs parents:


It is the string of monstrous bad luck that never seems to end.

Starts with the minute of realization there is a huge problem with your child, whether it be mommy instinct, as mine was, or the minute of getting word from the doctor, or the realization of a child’s development is not the normal, or the minute of knowing there is a medical problem, something huge, a GIANT of a minute.

The cloud gets larger, encompassing everything, every detail of daily life.
The cloud affects sleeping, waking, eating, affecting siblings, travel, just everything.

The belief comes that if something weird or unusual or strange or bizarre or just really hard is going to happen, it is going to happen to me, the special needs parent.

In talking to others, I hear this theme so very often and have believed it myself.

Does the special needs parent have a “black cloud” over us that the worst and weirdest stuff seems to happen to us?

It does feel that way, because everything feels harder than it should be.

Taking my girlie to the doctor is one of the biggest ordeals, and due to the amount of specialists, it is often. Starts with just trying to get there and having proper way to get her in to the doctor’s office, ramps, parking lots, then on to getting blood from girlie’s arm (crazy hard with rolling veins), getting her blood pressure, for goodness sake, is impossible, especially with all the “automatic” gizmos they have now a days. 

“Only the weird stuff for me, thank you.”

Girlie’s gene mutation is “denovo,” meaning it is new to her, no one else has it in our family, it was not inherited from one of us. Weird, bizarre, unusual, bad luck.

Sadly, my oldest has started repeating to me, that if something is going to happen, it will happen to us. I have had to examine my belief. Is it truth?

The question is: just because it feels like I have black cloud over my head, is it truth?

The black cloud comes down to "comparison."

Me, comparing my family to others, others who “look to have it so easy”. 
It is the “grass is greener” philosophy wreaking havoc in my life and home.

I see and believe that others have perfectly timed, perfectly orchestrated, perfectly manicured lives.

The traveling, and the homes, and the cars, and the children, and the whatever, perfectly, exactly, and easy.

It is a LIE.

Satan wants me to agree with him that my life is harder, that my family life is just crazy hard.

God tells me the truth:

There is nothing new under the sun:
That which has been is what will be,
That which is done is what will be done,
And there is nothing new under the sun.
Is there anything of which it may be said,
'See, this is new'?

It has already been in ancient times before us” 
(Ecclesiastes 1:9-10, NKJV)

Bad stuff happens to the good and to the bad.

The Psalmist in Psalm 73, talks about what happens to our hearts when we compare ourselves with others.  He looks at others seeing that he is plagued with bad circumstances, while others are benefiting from all kinds of good circumstances. It was troublesome in my sight until I came into the sanctuary of God.” (vv 16-17 NASB) God gave him back a right perspective - "Nevertheless I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand. With Your counsel You will guide me, And afterward receive me to glory." (vs 23-24 NASB)

My perspective should be to walk by faith, not by sight (i.e. stop looking at the lives of others): "Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord — for we walk by faith, not by sight — we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord. Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him.." 2 Corinthians 5:6-9 (NASB)

Do I believe Him? Do I believe enough to act by faith? Do I believe enough to “keep on swimming”? Do I believe enough to keep my eyes off of others and only on Him?

Please pray with me:

Thank you Lord that I am able to walk by faith in You, in your love for me, and your hope for the future for my family and I. Thank you that your deep abiding love stays even when the weird, unusual, and hard things seem to keep on coming. Please help me to trust your word and believe you are greater than my circumstances. Please help me continue to see your truth in this daily walk.

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