Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Thank You

For some say, "His letters are weighty and forceful, but in person he is unimpressive and his speaking amounts to nothing."    
2 Corinthians 10:10, NIV

"I do not think I am in the least inferior to those “super-apostles.” I may indeed be untrained as a speaker, but I do have knowledge. We have made this perfectly clear to you in every way." 
2 Corinthians 11:5,6, NIV

But Moses pleaded with the LORD, "O Lord, I'm not very good with words. I never have been, and I'm not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled." Exodus 4:10 NLT

Then said I, Ah, Lord GOD! behold, I cannot speak: for I am a child. Jeremiah 1:6 KJV

I am not a gifted speaker, my words get tangled and I stumble over my point. 

I am weak with my words. 

I am weak with my words, but so were Moses and Paul. There is someone else I have the honor of walking through life with, who struggles with words, and that someone is my son. 

I have learned a very valuable lesson through him; There is more than one way to speak. 

Equally important, I have learned through watching him; Where we are weak, God is strong

I want to thank him, and share with you just a small part of what I have learned from this incredible human being that God has entrusted me with, sharing it all would simply take a lifetime...

I sit here, a million words running through my mind, because there is so much I could say. None of it seems quite enough. You, my son, are a man of few words and likewise, there are few words to adequately describe you. 

In the eyes of the world you are now an adult, 18 years old tomorrow. At six feet tall, you look every bit the part of being a grown up. But when I look at you, I still see a little boy, my buddy.

You have been my buddy your entire life. From the very beginning; waking up at the exact same time every night, we spent quality time together as I rocked you back to sleep. This is when I first discovered Martha Stewart...thank you.

You explored the world your own way and taught me that we didn't have to do things like everyone else. Why bounce a basketball when you can lick it? This is where I learned not to care what anyone else thinks...thank you.

You refused to be hidden, tucked away "out of sight and out of mind". The school superintendent knows your name, that's ok. Your light shines bright in a world that is often dark. This is where I learned the importance of standing up for what I believe in...thank you

You gave me a voice, and I have tried so hard to give you one. 

Now more than ever I realize, you have always had a voice. You have used that voice from the very beginning; it has just taken me and the rest of the world time, to learn to listen.

Autism brings with it many challenges, and some have been very hard on you, but through them all you have taught me many things:

  • Because of you, I understand someone can have a voice without speaking. 
  • Because of you, I see and hear things I never would have noticed.
  • Because of you, I have learned what it means to be patient and determined.
  • Because of you, I know the value of failure and the joy of success.
  • Because of you, I found a voice I never knew existed.
Time has moved quickly and I often feel I have failed you, that I haven't done enough. It's not that I wanted to "fix" you or "change" you... I just wanted to give you what you needed and help you understand the world around you. I think that is just what mothers instinctively do. 

I look back at the last 18 years and what I see is an indescribable gift. Everything that I so desperately wanted to give you, is exactly what you have given to me and everyone around you. 

Happy Birthday little Buddy.

Dear Heavenly Father, I am so thankful for this child, but I am even more thankful for the knowledge that You hold him in the palm of your hand. Because of You, I am not afraid. Amen.


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