Thursday, June 8, 2017

What to do, when you don't know what to do

We humans keep brainstorming options and plans, but God’s purpose prevails.
(Proverbs 19:21, MSG)

Does it Matter?

Today, while out of town, I received an email from J's teacher, cheerily describing the latest incident with OCD that quickly spun out of control. I felt helpless, but I responded cheerily back, expressing gratitude that she was able to prevent her computer from crashing to the floor. Do all the conversations, meetings, strategizing, supplements, ... matter??

A dear friend shared a moment of grace at her job: an incident of God's obvious intervention and keeping, in spite of the external factors that could have gone otherwise. Do the meetings, strategizing, networking, late hours matter?

There are so many situations that could go one way, then they go another, and sometimes I wonder, does my effort make a difference? How do I determine what to do with J and school when nothing seems to matter? How did my friend encounter this good fortune in a moment that looked dark? If I'm really honest, the pivotal moments in my son's development are not largely due to my research, brainstorming, and discussion. They came by chance, an apparently unplanned sequence of events, unplanned... So what do I do?

When I'm not sure how to proceed, I think about my children. What do I want to model for them when they face moments like these? 

Faith in the face of Mystery

A writer once said, the moment we think we know God, He's moved! The Eternal is always mysterious. If we think He is predictable, it's because we don't really know Him. A relationship with the Eternal Mysterious One must have gigantic elements that I can't wrap my mind around. God is the God who reveals Himself says, Follow Me! and then disappears (well, so it appears to me, anyway).

I can allow mystery to create anxiety, but today, I'm choosing peace and curiosity. After all, the Eternal Mystery leads me in paths of righteousness for His Name sake (Psalm 23) and takes me to still waters that are alarmingly close to the valleys of the shadow of death.... I don't fully understand, but I know that His Ways are Perfect. And His Plans for me and mine are for good, and not for evil (Jeremiah 29:11). He plans to prosper us, not harm us (even if we are 18, with an autism diagnosis and raging OCD). He still says, Come. I give you rest (Matthew 11:28).

So, today, I will access faith in the face of mystery, while I listen for guidance for the next step in the journey on the Spectrum Road.

Dear Father, Thank you for always leading our steps. Help us keep in step with You, and to trust Your heart and plans in the face of mystery.

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