Tuesday, May 9, 2017

To My Child When I Am Not There

My Dear Child,

I hope that you know how much I love you. I can see that may be hard for you to know; when you want me to be there with you, and I can not. You may not feel that love when you ask, compete with your siblings, and fight, for my attention. But I pray you do, I pray that somewhere in your heart, you know how much I love you.

Looking back, I can only imagine how it has felt for you to grow up with a sibling that requires so much of our time and attention. I know you felt lost in the shuffle of appointments and meltdowns, sometimes I did too.  Please know, you were never lost in my heart.

I know there have been times when you felt that we failed you.  We felt it too, and our hearts broke right along with yours.

What I pray you realize, if not now then one day soon, is that we tried. We tried to do it right. We tried with everything we had. That's not always enough though, I know that.

There may have been places where we failed, but I hope you always remember:

God does not fail, He is always enough.

I am so proud of you.

You are kind and loving, with a good mix of stubborn and confidence in what you know. Those traits will serve you well, they will serve God well. That's what I pray for you, it's what I have always prayed for you. I pray for a life that is focused on Jesus, built on a solid, unshakable foundation of love and faith.

I look at you now and I see that written on your heart.

This is the best place to build your life.

And life is not easy, but you know that already. You were raised with a front row seat of struggles for services, education, and inclusion. You have experienced the effects of drained finances and time and strength. It has helped shape who you are, the incredible person standing before me.

You are:

"Fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14)

"For such a time as this" (Esther 4:14)

and you are "faithfully equipped" (Hebrews 13:21)

with "the path of your future before you" (Jeremiah 29:11)

a path you will not travel alone, because "He will be with you wherever you go" (Joshua 1:9)

and this is why "we have hope"  because "His love never fails" (Lamentations 3:21-22)

The greatest desire of my heart is for your heart, to be filled with the word and love of God. I see that growing in you and I am excited to see what each chapter of your life holds for you. I cannot be there for everything, and I hope that you understand..."I wish I could be there for all of it."

I wish I could take every step with you but I can't, I shouldn't. That is life, the thing that helps shape us into the person we were created to be. I take enormous comfort, as a mother, knowing that God is the one walking with you every single step you take.

My dear sweet child, I pray for you always:

God, please protect my child. Wrap your arms around them and let them feel your presence when they are sad, or scared or alone. God, open their eyes to see that you are always there, in everything, in every time. Guide them on their journey and keep their eyes focused on You, on Your purposes and God, help them understand that I love them and I tried. Amen.



I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14 NIV

For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14 NIV

equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen
Hebrews 13:21 NIV

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 NIV

This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. The LORD’S loving kindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
Lamentations 3: 21-22 NIV


  1. Aw. What a beautiful and assuring encouragement. So full of love too.
    He will be there wherever we are.

  2. Beth,
    Your blog touched me. It seemed as if you knew my heart. I cannot tell you how many times I have felt this way about my other child. He is all grown up now. God is faithful and will always be faithful. Our son just finished his second year of seminary. He is getting his Master of Divinity in Missions and Worldwide Ministry. In about 6 weeks he will be a married man.
    Whenever he speaks he tells his testimony which includes his depression and how God delivered him from that darkness. He talks about his home life - and his personal struggles growing up with a special needs sibling. He talks to youth groups because so many of them today are growing up in a family touched by a family member being handicapped.
    All the years I thought were wasted years turned out that God used them in a mighty way to glorify Himself. I felt we ignored my son but God had His loving arms wrapped around him the entire time.
    Thank you for sharing your heart.

    1. Oh Cyndi thank you for sharing that, it brought me to tears. What an incredible living example of God's faithfulness!