give the command to save me, for you are my rock and my fortress."
~Psalm 71:1-3, NIV
"Mom, there were only five kids left!" was what my son exasperated as I finally retrieved him from the car line.
Oh how I already knew this would most likely be the case. Yet, I was just glad he was not the last one. Mom Fail. Mom Guilt.
Earlier on, we had appointments with little time to fit in an emergency before the car line hour. However, I tried to fit it all in anyway, thinking I could do it all. Mom Fail. Mom Guilt.
I really made a fool of myself trying to rush and push all these things in a minimal amount of time.
Fear, worry, and anxiety won over again.
My emergency situation was for an extra anxious child who endured much shoulder pain for two days now. This was after I paid to take them to the trampoline park. Mom Fail. Mom Guilt.
My anxious child was in much pain (which she usually doesn't ever struggle with) and in tears over it on this day. If I didn't take her to get this shoulder injury checked out it would just escalate the anxiety. So I did what I had to do.
The-appointment-to-the-car-line-time-frame-window was so close that I walked out of the appointment without the sling she needed, because I could not wait any longer, at that action they rushed up to me to give it. And fit it. Which again, ate into the time I needed to get to my son on time. Mom fail. Mom guilt.
I raced to my son. Probably putting us in danger. I thought of a brilliant short cut which mocked me in the end, because I ended up in another school zone which made my trip even longer! Mom fail. Mom guilt.
I then shouted a curse word. Yes, shouted. Mom fail. Mom guilt.
I had to apologize for that curse word and the added anxiety I was putting them into as I tried to speed to get my son. Mom fail. Mom guilt.
Ultimately, we made it in time; barely. No harm was really done. Every trial we go through is to help us learn dependence on God. Yet, I was not looking to that shelter and rock that God was for me. I was looking to my own strength.
As I take refuge in Him, He will not let me be put to shame. He melts away all the mom guilt I feel as I rest in His rescue. I am NOT a failed mom because of His grace at work in me. He is my fortress and refuge and even in a crazy situation like above, moms, dads, grandparents, and guardians, remember you are perfectly loved. Rest in Him.
Lord, some days are ridiculous to us and sometimes we are ridiculous. Yet, this does not surprise you. You graciously wait for us to turn back to you and your shelter. Help us to always remember to keep our eyes on you so we might not sin. Thank you for receiving our confession and our pain and giving us hope. Parenting is hard but we can continue to learn from you, our perfect parent.