Two friends texted me today asking if my child wanted to do something. That is fantastic! I love to cultivate room for social interactions, especially is someone is requesting it, however, in our family with our special needs, spontaneity is not a luxury we can always allow. I really wish it was. I try to make it possible but it continually ends in some sort of melt down.
I try to understand this anxiety my child has with spontaneity but I have trouble putting myself in her shoes. I am a control freak by nature. I do like to know exactly what my schedule will look like and I get irritated with deviations but it has never caused a melt down. I also like to do things with others at the last minute if I can because it holds special surprises in my otherwise mundane day.
My child on the other hand, cannot handle changes, even good ones. This has been an ongoing issue for 13 years now and I don't see it changing. It does make me sad as a parent because it doesn't seem "right" to me that she cannot enjoy the "spontaneous" joys of life but she seems happy anyway.
I am learning that I don't need to try to make her fit my perceived mold. God made her perfectly the way she is and that is beautiful to Him. Honestly, what it all boils down to is in light of eternity, will this issue with anxiety over spontaneity really matter that much? No. It really won't. Except that God uses it in the here and now to sanctify us both.
As we experience this issue of spontaneity we both must choose to look to Jesus and trust Him with it. Whether I make her endure spontaneity of an event or I die to self to just let her stay in her comfort zone, in each occasion we have the opportunity to grow in the grace of Christ. We are conformed more into His image as we die to ourselves in this area. God is using every bit of it to make us both more like Him and that is the goal.
So today, with hesitation, I turned down the requests because she has been a sport about last weeks events. We compromise, so today I do the dying but as I do I look to the One who made us both. The One who knows us best and is making us more and more like Him as we trust in Him.
Have you experienced situations similar to this? How did you handle it?
Father, thank you for molding us and making us exactly as you see fit. Forgive us for arguing or protesting your good ways. Help us to turn to you and see what Christ did for us. Help us see the beauty of Christ so as we die to self, we joyfully follow His example and trust He is making us more beautiful. In Christ's Name. Amen.