Suffice it to say, I've felt the normal level of chaotic harassment as I tried to keep track of my oldest, help him manage extreme OCD, mixed with normal autism, while directing my younger two in their work, all while chatting to my mom, who has recently retired and is visiting and dealing with the normal ministrations of life (food shopping, phone calls and things that go wrong). By Wednesday I was wiped out and excited about a meeting I was having on Thursday out of the house, an opportunity to mono-task. Truth be told, the drive to the meeting was my opportunity, to regroup, to breathe, to remember.
I realized that as exhausted as I have felt this past week, I did not feel overwhelmed. This is good! I thought. What's different? It was easy to pinpoint. This past three weeks have been a very special season of God reminding me how much He loves me. I attended a class out of town and had an awesome experience, plus met up with friends who I hadn't seen in 15 years, and had a doubly awesome experience. Who knew that when I registered for my class, God had all this in store for me? God did! He gifted me this experience out of His love. I reflected on this constantly since returning home and, perhaps it's because I'm thinking about it, I see God's love everywhere. For example, I was really moved by this story as God reaffirmed my unique specialness to Him. I can't help thinking about J's conception story, which was boring, and yet very deliberately God (email me for the story). I know God sent him to us. I know J is an answer to many people's prayer, and has been helpful in shifting my paradigm about how the world works, so indirectly, the paradigm of those we come in contact with. Now I know that J is part of God's love story to ME. He's a gift to me out of God's incredible love.
This experience of God's love makes a HUGE difference. Studies say that subjective well-being (the perception that life is going well) is a buffer for stress, reducing its potential negative impact. Perhaps an experience of God's love adjusts my subjective well-being! 1 John 4 talks about the impact and permeating influence of God's love in our lives. It's like perfume moving through a room, filling all the spaces between the molecules in the air, affecting every breath we breathe. That's God's Love.
I'm sure we'll have more days like the ones this week scattered over the rest of the summer. So, I'm reminding myself now: God loves me. As I focus on His love, I experience it more and more. This experience of love buffers the impact of the experience of this normal life on the spectrum road. Plus, it creates a reserve of love to share with those around, starting with those in my very house. Thank God for His Love!