Tuesday, July 26, 2016

I Am What I Am

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them--yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me. 1 Corinthians 15:10 NIV

I had some time alone this past weekend.

By alone I mean no husband and no children. I still had the two dogs and my twenty year old was home, but between her work and going out, I was basically alone. Like many of you, that is a very rare occurrence for me.

I have to tell you, as much as I get nervous when my children travel , I was a little excited about the alone time.

I had plans.

Big plans.

I was going to eat and watch TV.

I was going to do what I wanted to do.

And I was going to do it uninterrupted.

But it stormed, and there was no power.

I can deal with this...

I prayed.

"Dear Lord, why? Why did you do this?  I only get one night. Did it really have to storm tonight?"

I suppose it wasn't a prayer as much as it was a discussion.

Ok, so it was more like whining.

I'm human.

Eventually, the power came back on, I warmed up my dinner and settled in with a movie.

It was very enjoyable, and I was able to relax. As parents of children with extra challenges and special needs, I think we learn to adapt and find unique ways to recharge. But I was grateful to have a chance at what I felt was a "normal" thing.

A night alone, to do what I want.

As the movie went on I decided a little watermelon would be nice so I paused my movie and walked into the kitchen. I was filling my bowl I thought to myself, "What if I was one of those people? What if this was my life? What if I just worked and came home and watched TV and ate, uninterrupted? What if..."

As I placed the watermelon back into the refrigerator, I paused and took in the contents...

Cooper's blueberries.
The tuna salad that Myra loves.
Ava's favorite drink.
My husband's coffee creamer.

And I realized...

By the grace of God I am what I am.

There is not a lot of easy in living, and I suppose that is for the best. Easy slides by you, you don't always remember easy. It doesn't often leave an impression, it rarely changes and shapes you.

But hard, hard presses against you. Hard is felt. Hard scrapes past your life and it leaves a mark. It changes you and creates places in your existence. You remember hard.

By the grace of God....

The things we have been through, our experiences, our struggles, our circumstances, our reactions...

our life.

Those things, by the grace of God, have shaped us into who we are.

And I am thankful that...

I am what I am.

My prayer for you:

God our Father, our Creator, I pray that our hearts remember and our eyes are always focused on that fact. You created us, You created our children. We take comfort in knowing that you also shaped the paths our lives are set on. Help us not to loose sight that there is a purpose for every hard moment that presses against us in this life. Open our eyes Father, so that when we look at the imprints and scars of hardships and struggles on our lives we see Your Grace. Amen



  1. Yes! I have often questioned the why's in life. Every time I always come back to why not. God has provided in every step and in every detail. He has not stopped loving us and showing us who He is and who I am in Him. Kaylee has grown and changed and opened up in ways I never thought she would. She is maturing, albeit, slower than I prefer but still He is doing a mighty work in her which trickles down to me. The impatient, Type A momma! So thankful for those glimpses of His grace that shows me who HE is!

    1. That was beautifully said Paige. My son Cooper is 16 and just during the last several months he has started talking more, and I was reminded yet again to never loose hope for progress. I struggle with not knowing what is around the corner for him and for us, but I do take great comfort in the fact that what ever it is, God has already been there!

  2. Perfect posts for my today. The fact that God regularly matches the different Christian blogs I read to the specific issues I am struggling with is amazing. He is amazing. When I think I can't go on, He shows me that I can because He has been in the plan all along; molding me and making me better through the miracles of my daughter's life. Wow!

  3. Amen!! I had started writing something totally different, and ended up with this post! God is ever present in our lives, and He provides!