Friday, June 24, 2016

I Am Not Alone, But Sometimes I Wish I Was

Sleeping peacefully on the couch with the new puppy...but not for long.
The doorbell was ringing.

We have one of the most obnoxious doorbells on the face of the earth. It frequently gets stuck, endlessly playing a medley of patriotic themes. I am still not sure why I haven't ripped the thing right off of the wall yet. The other thing of interest concerning this doorbell, is the fact that it sends our dog into a complete barking frenzy every time is goes off.

Today was no exception.

It's summer and everyone in our house is just slightly off schedule and out of sorts as we attempt to adjust to new schedules. Schedule changes are a challenge, not just for our son with autism but for me as well. While I look forward to and enjoy summer break, I do miss the routine of the school year and the "free time" it brings. Honestly, that little bit of time during the school day allows me to regroup, recharge, organize, clean, grocery shop, do laundry, scrub toilets...wait, where was I going with this? Oh yes, and have a moment to myself.

Self preservation. I don't know about you, but sometimes I am just over here calling out to Jesus, "Five minutes, I just need five minutes!"

So, our doorbell was ringing, and the dog was barking. I went to put the leash on him, so I could hold him back while I opened the door, only to realize he didn't have his collar on.

(and the doorbell is still ringing...)

I look everywhere for the collar and finally find it in the bathroom, get it on him and get him leashed.

(and the doorbell is still ringing...)

The baby was crying, one of my daughters is a nanny for the summer and she had brought her young charge over to swim.

(and the doorbell is still ringing...)

My son is yelling "Banana yes!"

My little girls are asking where the Neosporin is?

(and the doorbell is still ringing...)

I make it to the door.

Some one says, "I think the puppy needs to go outside and poop." Did I mention I thought it would be a good idea to get a new puppy last week, a lovely addition to the doorbell barking dog we already have. Also, just between us, I don't think they like each other and I'm not so sure it's going to work out.

My hand is on the door, and I open it.

(and the doorbell still ringing...)

With a smile on my face and chaos erupting behind me I reach over and unstick the doorbell button and politely ask the young lawn care guy standing before me, "What can I do for you?"

He says,  "I notice you have what appears to be chemical burns on our front lawn."

Godly thoughts were not flowing through my mind at this point.

I took a deep breath, part of me determined to slam the door in his face, because for the love of all that is holy can he not hear what is going on inside this house? Does he really think that orange grass in my front yard is even on my radar of things that are important to me right now? But the other part of me won out and I just laughed and said, "Yes it's a bit of a mess right now." I listened to his speech for a moment and asked for his card, I promised to give it to my husband and we would call if we needed any service.

Then I shut the door, turned around and took in the chaos behind me.

This is the point where sometimes all you can say is "Jesus", take another deep breath and carry on, attempting to meet one need at a time.

Peace, I need peace.

Yes I look forward to the quiet of bedtime for my children, but I need the peace of knowing God through every chaotic moment that we will experience. That is the Peace that allows you to lie down and sleep and reminds you, you are never alone.

"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety." Psalm 4:8 NIV

This verse has been on my mind for the last couple of weeks and I think it holds great comfort for special needs parents. Many of us are heading into a long summer overwhelmed, feeling a little isolated and lonely, even when we are surrounded by our children.

Sometimes I feel I am drowning in children and puppies, dogs and doorbells, in laundry and dirty bathrooms. I want to be alone, and I feel isolated all at the same time. I am learning to look forward to the chaos, and to finding peace in the summer.

That is the thing about the peace of God though, it's always right there, in whatever season we find ourselves. We just have to discover, and occasionally be reminded of it's existence.

So for you today I pray: Dear heavenly Father, may the peace of your sovereignty reign in the hearts of these precious parents. Lord may they take comfort in knowing, they are not alone in the chaos that may be erupting in there lives. When there seems to be no one around to help them, let them hear your voice and know they are not alone. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.



  1. Awesome post. You peaked inside of my mind and heart. How did you know? I am glad that I am not the only one. Thanks for the beautiful prayer. God bless you.

    1. Thank you! I think it is so good to realize we are not the only ones!