Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Your Spouse Is Not Your Enemy

Two are better than one because they have a more satisfying return for their labor; for if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and does not have another to lift him up. Again, if two lie down together, then they keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? And though one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (Amplified Bible)

I was recently listening to a podcast by James McDonald with Walk in the Word ministries. He made a comment that resonated between my eardrums like a loud cymbal in a small room. He made a statement that went, "Often we don't need a NEW word from God, what we need is a GOOD word from God".  He was making the point that we should not be fixated on the 'latest' and 'greatest' thing that someone discovered from the Bible. In fact, Romans 15:4 tell us that the Bible was written long ago to instruct us in our situation today.  

All that to introduce a thought that I pray will greatly impact your marriage today. 

Here it is..."You and your spouse are not enemies." 

I know, I may sound like Captain Obvious, but it is a true statement and worthy of reminding ourselves. 

So often we get caught in the trenches of cleaning dinner spills and poo spills or even trying to squeeze a feeding in while the other siblings have finished and are running up the walls. 
As parents, we are not strangers to losing our cool and making mistakes...even towards each other. 

Then, after the homework is finally (hopefully) completed, teeth are brushed, fresh pull-ups on and lights out ... you finally get to crash on your own bed and, if we are not careful, we can keep the same frustrated momentum towards our spouse. 

These constant pressures, which are exponentially multiplied by a child with a disability can, and often do, cause us to question our spouse's dedication.

What I would like to suggest is that the Bible encourages us that we CAN be on the SAME TEAM and when we choose to be on the same team there is greater success. 

What I am NOT suggesting is that the pressure will decrease, but that your emotional and spiritual health will increase when you and your spouse tackle each day with the perspective that you have the other person's back. 

This isn't a complicated thought, but yet in order for your marriage to ACT like a team, you have to DECIDE to act like a team.  This requires a gracious conversation to convey to your spouse that you have their back. Notice that I did not say for you to tell your spouse to 'get in the game'.  Sometimes in a relationship, there is one person who wants this more than the other. As Emmerson Eggerich says in his book, Love and Respect, "Whoever considers themselves to be the most mature is the one to make the first move."  This is not a time to place more pressure or guilt-motivation on a spouse who is already overwhelmed.  But rather to practically show love and commitment simply by leading with action.

This principle is not new, it was penned over 2,000 years ago by King Solomon. The reality is that two are better than one. 

If you have any practical ways that you and your spouse support each other, please encourage other readers by commenting below.

Dear God, help this thought to settle in our heart and mind.  Help me to make sure that my attitude towards my spouse is loving and help me to support them. God, you designed our marriage to super close...please put us on the path of right thoughts and actions to make it a close relationship. Amen.

Be Encouraged, 

Bobby Lanyon (AKA Jack's Dad).  

1 comment:

  1. What a good reminder of the importance of maintaining a right perspective about a spouse. Marriage and special needs parenting are hard enough without a bad attitude. Thanks for adding this link to DifferentDream.com's Tuesday special needs link up.