Monday, December 7, 2015

God Lamaze

"…but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint."
Isaiah 40:31 NIV

I’ve only had one near-death experience in my life thus far and my life did not flash before my eyes. However, to be fair, it wasn’t actually a near-death experience - it just felt like one.  

It was during the birth of my second child when things progressed too fast to get an epidural. All of a sudden the pain started washing over me too fast and too strong to catch my breath. I remember thinking to myself I’m drowning. This must be what it feels like to drown. I literally cannot breathe. Is this seriously how I’m going to die?! The nurse was all the way across the room from me, having just told me that it was still too soon to push. Nothing in the room was delivery-ready. However, when you are drowning in thin air, anything goes.  My body literally took the reigns out of my brain’s hands and started calling the shots. Two pushes later, I did not die. I had a son.

Four years later, more often than I’d like to admit, I’m still fighting the same battle for breath. On a stress scale of one to ten – I feel like I live most of my life at an eight. When you live at an eight, it doesn’t take much for you to become a ten. At a ten the emotional equivalent of my delivery room drowning happens all over again.

Some days I honestly wonder how I’m going to survive “this.”
·      This step-son’s re-evaluation and all the steps that must follow it.
·      This five year old ALREADY giving in to peer pressure.
·      This revolving door of little visitors that goes on from 10p.m. to 5a.m.
·      This fear and insecurity about what to say the next time someone tells me to “just stop worrying so much!!!” J

But, what if surviving all this is as simple as God and Lamaze? What if the pain isn't my enemy, it's the reason I push? What if I’m always just two pushes away from my next breath, even outside the delivery room? What would happen if I shut my brain off and put my next breath in God’s hands?

Or, as our perfect Father tells us, what if I were to be as one of those who:
…but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isa. 40:31 NIV)
I love that. I want that. I want it for me and for my children. I want it for my husband. I want it for you reading this right now. And God wants it for all of us, too. I want it so bad I bought myself an early Christmas gift (thank you, Mikey!) with this verse on it so that I can be constantly reminded that my hope is in the Lord that will never leave me without a next breath. It is IN HIM that I live and breathe, and soar.

Pray: Dear Lord, Some days all I can seem to feel is the pain and pressure of labor. Help me to see beyond that, to talk with you and breathe in you. Teach me to shut my brain off and just worship you in pleasure and in pain. Amen.

- Emily Krill

Necklace featured in post:


  1. Thank you for sharing. I am there with you. I need to shut my brain off, breathe, and rest in Him. I am encouraged. God bless you.

    1. I am so thankful that God used me to bless you today, Denie!!! I'll be praying for you today that He continues to let you rest in Him. HUGS!!