"What will they be like when they are teenagers?"
I am sure most of you have or have had similar thoughts about your children.
Having a child with unique and occasionally overwhelming challenges, makes these types of ponderings... especially...soul stirring.
As I watched my son, six foot tall and 270 pounds, galloping through our home today...I suddenly wondered, "What will he be like when he is my age, because I am sure I could not pull off those moves he just displayed without injuring myself?"
I proceeded to pause and wonder what he would be like as an adult...I remembered an early prayer. I also remembered an early blog post I had written about that prayer and the very beginning...
A Pleading Prayer For Our Son.
Lord...I pray that you will open his mind...that he will be able to communicate...to participate and be involved in the world around him...
These are, I realize, strange words.
They are words that are easily explained, simple and fairly straight forward. This prayer was the light, during a very dark time. that I didn't know I needed, . While the words are clear, the emotions that necessitated them; the avalanche of despair, sadness, fear, and anxiety of the unknown, can leave you, like it left me, disoriented.
I felt buried and unsure of which way or how to dig myself out.
I just knew I had to dig...
So what was seen by others, on the outside? The digging...the work.
What was going on inside? I was desperately searching for the tools to dig with. The tools you need for the kind of digging that your very survival, the survival of your child depends on.
I needed to know that my child would be ok.
I needed comfort.
I needed reassurance.
I needed Jesus.
During that time we lived in a house that had, what I called, a laundry closet. It was in our hallway and when you opened the two doors up, it was sort of like a little laundry room. This is where I did my thinking, my praying, my talking to Jesus.
It is where I began to remember and think back on the things that I had learned as a child, and what I had heard all those years growing up in Church.
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 KJV
When I dug down deep, what I found was a life saving foundation of faith. A foundation that does not give way even in the most turbulent of storms.
They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. Luke 6:48 NIV
One thing I knew, the truth and knowledge I clung to, we all have a purpose.
The other thing, bringing great peace and comfort...God hears our prayers.
However, my heart was so broken I don't even remember what I prayed, or even how I prayed. I think I just cried and let my heart spill out, in that little laundry room when no one was around to see except Jesus.
Slowly, over time a peace settled in and I knew if this was our path...God had a plan for us and a purpose. I also knew I needed to pray more specifically for our son...
I remember walking into his room one night and standing by his bed and I prayed...
"Lord...I pray that you will open his mind...that he will be able to communicate...to participate and be involved in the world around him...these things in Jesus name I pray...amen"
I can not tell you how many times I have prayed that prayer...when I had no words, God supplied them...the words of my heart that I could not form on my own...the words from an all knowing God who is ever patient and never surprised. He knows my heart...He knows my son.
I read back over this post now and reflect over the life of my child so far and those words, that prayer...
Those words were not what I was "asking for", they were the words of what was and what will be, God was planting and weaving them into my heart from the very beginning. So when I look at my son now and I begin to wonder...I smile. I smile because I know that we rest on a solid foundation that will withstand any storm. I see it everyday as my son communicates, participates and is involved in the world around him.
Dear Heavenly Father I pray for my child, for all of our children. I pray for their comfort. Lord please wrap them in the comforting feeling that we experience in knowing that Your sovereignty has laid a foundation that can not be shaken by any storm. Surround them with Your peace, the peace we feel in knowing that You are concerned with the smallest of details, like supplying the words when we are so broken we don't even know what or how to pray. God we are grateful for Your provision and Your purposes, may we continue to walk where You lead us...in grace for Your glory...Amen.