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"Shhhhh! Just stop talking to me. I don't want to hear your little voice right now."
Usually a morning person, I'm uncharacteristically cranky this morning. Before I even manage to get one sip of coffee into me, I'm ready to punch a hole in the wall snipping and snapping at my spouse and my kids. I can't put my finger on what has me so agitated. Nothing is wrong, but everything is always wrong all at the same time.
"Are you okay, Mom?" they query. Eager to please and full of love, they want to make sure they're not to blame for my foul mood, hoping to fix whatever has me in knots.
I pull it together long enough to offer hugs, kisses and reassurance of my love before they each scatter for school. Once they're all either on a bus or dropped at the door of their designated destinations, I return home, crumpled, crushed, alone, feeling as if I can be myself around no one, lest I be accused of having poor coping skills. How in the WORLD did I get here?
No one tells you when you become the parent of a child with a serious chronic illness, special need or disability that you will have so much anger to deal with. So many people say so many hurtful, stupid things to you over the years. Some family or friends you thought were significant in your life aren't there for you when you need them. Medical professionals treat you like an ignoramus, expecting that you cater to their orders versus them working for you. Classmates and neighborhood children exceed the bounds of any nastiness you could ever possibly conjure up. School staff do everything they can to get out of their legal requirements to accommodate your child and treat you like your an incompetent parent instead. The insurance company makes it their mission to deny every medical claim possible. Your spouse is off in their own little bubble, focusing only on their job, a full life outside of the home. After all of that, you have one raw nerve left, and your child is usually dancing on it.
Joy seems stolen, crushed, choked out by everyone and everything that so negatively presses in on you. The stress far exceeds anything a single human is capable of handling on their own. Yet there's this perpetual isolation. It is way too easy to sink into the dark despair of resignation to what your life has become.
Take heart, friend. You are not alone in these feelings. So many of us are walking this path. And no, God doesn't intend you to live miserably in perpetuity. He came to give us a FULL life, restoring that which has been stolen from us.
You need a guide to help you find your way back. That's our specialty at Snappin' Ministries. So we're excited to invite you to participate in our next Side-By-Side Small Group online book study, which will confront just this issue.
For 5 weeks beginning on Sunday, February 22, 2015, we will read and discuss Laurie Wallin's GET YOUR JOY BACK: Banishing Resentment and Reclaiming Confidence in Your Special Needs Family. This journey promises to offer practical solutions and great connection with other parents facing the same challenging lifestyle. Since our discussion will take place on Facebook, interaction and participation is on YOUR schedule with easy access.
To join us simply register at https://
Feel free to check out Laurie's book trailer here, and look forward to more videos as part of the small group:
Tame the monstrous mornings like the one I described from my own life above. Embrace the restoration Jesus won for you. And move forward on this special needs parenting journey in a fresh way.
PRAY: Jesus, THANK YOU for coming to give me life to the full, not just in heaven, but beginning here and now. Help me to grasp the joy that transcends my circumstances. This life will always disappoint. Teach me how to put my hope in You alone.
~ Barb Dittrich