Friday, January 23, 2015

The Dreaded Call

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
 Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." ~Psalm 139:14

"Mrs. Parsley, do you have a minute to talk about your son?"

It was the call that I dreaded. I tried to live in denial of this truth but it was lurking quietly around the corner waiting to confront me. I watched this six-year-old boy for three years now struggle to sit still; even for a second. Then there was the constant dis-tractability that we battled daily. I wondered if this would ever end thinking, "maybe he will grow out of it?"

I wondered if he truly understood what I was requesting or was blatantly disobedient. This is something we as parents battle when our kids have special needs like SPD, Autism, or ADHD. We wonder if they are disobedient or having difficulty comprehending or something else all together.

Most children want to please adults so most children generally want to be obedient. This boy had such a tender heart and desire to please us but there was a disconnect. There were things it seemed he did not understand or maybe it was that he forgot too quickly.

But then the call came that crushed my heart. I knew I was dealing with another child in the special needs realm. I already knew it deep in my heart but I was hoping my denial would keep it covered; at least for a while. Now that others are seeing it as well it is time that I deal with it and not feel ashamed.

Psalm 139:13 says, "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb." I must believe these truths. You see when my first child ended up with special needs, which were not discovered truly until she was around his age, I felt much shame. I felt like it was my fault.

 I tortured myself with thoughts like:

  • Maybe I did something wrong during pregnancy?
  • Maybe I ate the wrong things?
  • Maybe I should not have gotten the vaccinations?
  • Maybe she has this because my body was ill when she was birthed?
But this son of mine was adopted. And these verses reminded me that just like it was not my fault, it also was not his birth mother's fault because God is sovereign. God knits us together in our mother's wombs. God makes us fearfully and wonderfully. When we have a special need, that makes us different, it does not make us less because the God of the universe who created all things knit us together. We did not have to live but He chose to give us life. He is the one who gives us breathe so if we are here breathing we have a purpose for His glory.

My prayer today is that we remember this through the many difficulties we face in this present age. May we also remember that this present age is temporary. Sooner than we can imagine it will all be gone and we will have eternity in Heaven where there is no sin and all wrong things will be made right. While we wait for that we can trust He has things under control.

Where have you struggled on your journey with special needs? How can we pray for you?

Pray:  Father, thank you that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Thank you that you are in control! Help us to trust you in all things. Remind us of what truly matters. Keep our eyes fixed on you.

~ Angela Parsley ~

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