Thursday, January 15, 2015

Apoplectic About Autism


“My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.”
Psalm 62:7-8, NIV

Autism ticks me off. It makes me mad. It makes me sad. Anything but glad.

You would think my son was just diagnosed. It has been over 7 years, but it continues to break my heart.

When I went into Luke’s room to wake him up for school recently, he was sleeping in his own vomit.  And I didn’t know.  We keep his door locked overnight to keep him safe (otherwise he would wander the house and who knows what he would get into) and he can’t talk. I didn’t hear anything unusual.  My poor boy. 

As I helped him up and in the tub, stripped the bed, cleaned the floor and threw the heaping mess into the washer I was fuming.  Why Lord? 

Why do I have to be talking with Luke’s home ABA team about the possibility of needing two care team members helping Luke instead of just one because he is getting bigger and stronger?  Why does Luke have to struggle with meltdowns and crying because his senses get overwhelmed?  Why does our life have to be so limited?  Heck, why can’t we go out to eat somewhere other than fast food as a family?  Why can’t we be excited about getting invited to a party instead of dreading it and wondering how Luke will do?

Angry. Conflicted. Despondent.  Ticked off.  That’s me today.

Here's the thing though. God's word instructs us to "pour out our hearts to him." I can give Him this heaping mess of emotions. He made me, emotions and all. I'm thankful that in the midst of grief, flare ups related to parenting a child with special needs, I can trust Him even when I'm just plain mad.

Prayer:  “Lord, thank you that we can be honest with you and bring everything before you. Thank you that you can handle our anger. Thank you that you are our refuge.”
By Deb Abbs
Photo from Wikimedia, Angry Comic

3 comments:

  1. Prayers for you on a rough day Deb. May God's compassion embrace your pain, heal the hurt and plant there new hope and blessings.

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  2. Thanks love! It's so easy to feel guilty about our anger. It's comforting to be reminded that we can spill it all to Him! :)

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  3. Thanks Lorna and Kelli do glad we can "spill it to Him" like you said;)

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