|Photo Courtesy of Gualberto 107/freedigitalphotos.net|
They don't know.
I have to remember this.
This could be the most challenging part for me, because when I feel confused I get frustrated, and when I get frustrated I panic, and when I panic I cry and can't hold my emotions in...it's hard to DO GOOD when you can't control your thoughts; when you can't control your emotions.
I think I'll write out a note card for the binder that I carry to appointments ~the card will read:
Do ONLY what is GOOD in order to LIVE a PRODUCTIVE life.
I received a call from the oncology group we will see in California. The person who called to get us scheduled gave me a date which was only about 3 days away from when she called. I said, "I'm sorry, but I can't pull her out of school this early in the school year. Can we schedule something for October?" She offered me a date in October, but it was quite early in the morning which led me to ask, "Will she have an ultrasound performed before the appointment?" (After all, why meet with an oncologist if you don't have a current "picture" of the area that once had cancerous tumors, right?). She told me "no" that "we don't schedule those without a referral." I said, "Okay, I'll give our primary doctor a call and get that referral." Her tone was quite huffy with everything she said, so I even tried to smooth things over by saying, "Please, don't be offended. We are new here, and everything was done in one hospital in Madison. This is new to me."
To make a long story short, every conversation I've had with this person has felt "yucky". She's been short with me; inflexible, and sarcastic. "Do you have a copy of your daughter's ultra sound to give to the oncologist?" she asked the last time I spoke with her, "I KNOW you don't want to see the doctor without it...".
Do ONLY what is GOOD in order to LIVE a PRODUCTIVE life.I'll admit; I'm afraid to meet her face to face. I'm afraid that I'll lose my cool. I'm afraid that I will lose the filter that holds all my biting come-backs inside of me. When this post publishes at 6 am CST, we will be just leaving our house to drive the 2 1/2 hours to our appointments.
If you could, please say a prayer for me.
Pray: Father God, I need the Holy Spirit to take over my heart and my emotions. When I'm not focused on you, my human side takes over; the selfish, threatened, bitter part of me that says "Why do we have to go through all of this???". Take my heart and soften it as I communicate with the professionals with whom we come into contact. I want them to see Jesus through my words, actions, and faith. The only way I can do that is by doing good, and living a productive life with a legacy of peace, forgiveness and patience behind me. Amen.