Monday, July 14, 2014

Here In The Room

"God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him."
- (John 3:17, NLT)

It’s really late.

I’m watching him from over his head and just to the side of the hospital bed.

He has over 20 leads attached to his head and the wires are braided together like a ponytail in the back, running to an EEG that monitors his brain around the clock.

The nurses have wrapped his head in gauze and padding in a futile attempt to keep my son from pulling the little wires off his head in frustration and annoyance. 

He’s lying there helpless, frustrated, bewildered, and totally out of sorts.

All day long my wife and I have tag teamed trying to keep his hands away from his head while at the same time attending to his every need. He fights it constantly; grabbing, pulling, and hitting his head in frustration. 

Cameras and audio equipment record everything in the room here in the Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital Epilepsy Monitoring Unit.

Today, I had to pin my own son down and forcibly hold him against his will while the technicians worked on him. He looked at me, eyes wet with tears, as if to say, “Dad is there any other way? Dad does it have to be like this?”

He doesn’t understand why we are here.
He doesn’t comprehend that this is for his good.
He doesn’t realize this is part of the process to find healing.
He doesn’t understand why he must suffer.
He doesn’t find any purpose in this situation.
He doesn’t realize that I am allowing this out of my love for him.

I struggled to look at him, suffering and in pain. I struggled because with everything in me I wanted to grab my son and rescue him. I wanted to pull him up into my arms and say, “That’s enough! You don’t have to endure this anymore!”

With one command I could have stopped it.

But sometimes dads have to allow pain and hurt in order to accomplish the greater purpose. Sometimes showing unconditional love means allowing conditional pain. 

The only way I could help him is to let him endure this.

I wanted to beg them to let me take his place. Let me endure this ordeal for his sake, so that he would not have to suffer the consequences. But this was the only way.

So I watch. I reassure him of my presence. I remind him that I am here, and I always will be here.  I remind him that I will never leave or forsake him. We will walk through this together and come out the other side.

He will never be alone. I'm here in the room with him right now.


                                                ---------------------------------

It’s late.

I’m watching him from over his son’s head, just to the side of his son’s bed.

He has been praying to me all day long about his son. I know how much that child means to him. That’s why I chose him to be that child’s dad.

He’s sitting there helpless, frustrated, bewildered, and totally out of sorts.

All along this journey as a special-need dad, he has struggled at times.

He doesn’t understand why we are here.
He doesn’t comprehend that this is for his good.
He doesn’t realize this is part of the process to find healing.
He doesn’t understand why he must suffer.
He doesn’t find any purpose in this situation.
He doesn’t realize that I am allowing this out of my love for him.

I too couldn’t bear to watch my own son suffer and endure such pain. I had to restrain my own force and power, and stand by while a bunch of liars, thieves, and hypocrites murdered my son.

I could have stopped it. With one command of “That’s enough, you don’t have to endure this any longer.”  I could have ended it.

But sometimes dads have to allow pain and hurt in order to accomplish the greater purpose, and the greater expression of love. 

The only way I could help all my adopted sons and daughters was to let my own son suffer and die. Sometimes unconditional love means allowing conditional pain.

This was the only way. A penalty had to be paid, a punishment had to be given.

So I let my son take their place. I let him endure that ordeal for their sake, so that they would not have to suffer the consequences. It was the only way.

So I watch. I reassure him of my presence. I remind him that I am here, and I always will be here.  I remind him that I will never leave or forsake him. We will walk through this together and come out the other side. 

He will never be alone. I'm here in the room with him and his son right now.


PRAY: "Father, thank you for walking through the journey with us. Thank you that you are always with us, and that your word says you will never leave us alone or forsake us."

18 comments:

  1. I am blessed and was needing to read this today - just for me! Thanks!

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  2. Thank you Ann Holmes! I'm glad God spoke through it to you.

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  3. Good job daddy!! Your son knows deep down that you do it because you love him. Just as our Father does for you and I.

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  4. Never thought of it this way. Thank you Jeff Davidson!

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    1. Thank you for reading! God is always speaking, even in the middle of our pain.

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  6. I feel like this was written for me and my family today! Thanks for sharing and allowing others to be touched and strengthened!

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    1. Thank you Stephanie! I'm glad God ministered to you through it!

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    2. Thank you for reading Stephanie. I'm glad God ministered to you through it.

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  7. So beautiful & so true. Really needed to remember this today. Thank you!

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    1. Thank you Denise! So glad it helped you today!

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  8. Beautifully written. God bless you for sharing. You are touching many lives. I have watched my mother walk this path with my special needs sister.

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  9. Thank you graceforparents. My writing is my form of worship. blessings to you, your sister, and your mother.

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  10. Amazing perspective!!! Sooo needed this today - really spoke to my spirit -Love you guys -The Cross Crew - David, Jerri & Cody

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    1. Thanks Jerri! Blessings to your family as well!

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  11. Who better than Christ knows the suffering our children endure? Who but God the Father knows the heartache of a parent? I'm so glad this post was added to DifferentDream.com's Tuesday link share.

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