Thursday, April 24, 2014

When God Says No to a Mother's Heart Cry

"Yet even when you do pray, your prayers are not answered, because you pray just for selfish reasons" (James 4:3, CEV).

"Please, God, Please don't let my daughter have autism," I cried out as the reality of it pierced my heart. It was a prayer I spoke silently in my heart several years prior. There were moments when I knew something was different. Those moments when all the toys had to be in a line perfectly or enduring fits thrown that seemed out of proportion because I had no idea what went wrong. These little but distinct things were things I secretly held in my heart and I cried out to God.

Fast forward to age eight. Things continued to solidify my suspicions. As her peers moved out of the concrete thinking stage, could enjoy jokes, and started learning social cues, my girl floundered. All the suspicions stored up in my heart compacted. I felt a pain in my gut. I prayed, cried, and freaked out. I reacted in fear.

BUT, God's "perfect love casts out all fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us" (1 John 4:17-19). I had been selfishly worrying about how this all would effect me. I feared the "punishment" of this. I had my own plans, dreams and ideas about my life and special needs was not part of it.

Those truths were so hard for me to admit but they were true. I would not chose this life on my own if I had a clean slate to pick from, however, living it now I can see it is the best plan for us. God is wise and good in His foreknowledge and planning of our lives. He will work out everything for our good and use it to conform us into the image of His Son (Romans 8:28-29). This is most important.

God chose to answer my prayer with no. We did get an autism diagnosis of Asperger's. When I look at it now I see the blessing in it. My entire family is more mindful of others because of the path we daily walk. We are more empathetic and helpful to others struggling in life. We take note of others with these same daily challenges that many others do not see. Most importantly it does allow us the opportunity to die daily to ourselves and cling to our Savior, our constant source of strength. As we follow His pattern of laying our lives down, we then rise up in greater strength. Death to self must come before the resurrection of strength in Him.

As a good Father, God saw this path as best for us. I also know my aspie girl is thankful for how God made her wonderfully and fearfully (Psalm 139). How He did not make a mistake as He knit her together in my womb (Psalm 139). She is thankful to be unique and would not change it. I would not either for we trust God's great plan for us in and through the challenges of it. We embrace it and rely fully on Christ.

Prayer: Father, help us to embrace the greater plan you have for our lives even when we do not understand or do not like it. Help us to trust you and allow our trials to conform us into the image of Christ. Help us to see others and help when we can. Help us to comfort others as you comfort us. In Jesus Name. Amen.


~Angela Parsley

4 comments:

  1. God has a plan for us and for our children. And remember, God had a child who was different, too.

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  2. I am walking the road of caregiver. My son, although not formally diagnosed with Aspergers, displays many of the traits. I've had three professionals tell me they see it but am waiting on testing at this point. He was tested two years ago but because he is homeschooled the psychologist thought his social awkwardness was due to isolation ( which was totally wrong as we have made sure both our children got lots of social activities). So here we are two years later, he is 18 years old and had to be hospitalized due to severe OCD and depression last month. Now we are starting all over again with the psychological testing only this time he will be tested as an adult. He is very much childlike. If I don't make checklists for him he flounders through his day and seems more out of sorts. I want him to learn to self regulate. He suffers severe OCD (heretical thoughts that dog him and he feels compelled to refute them all the time) his OCD has greatly interfered with his life this past year. He finds if he is busy with social activities the OCD affects him less so he is wearing me out with constant plans for activities. His special interest is theology and Bible doctrine. I love that. But this the very area his OCD has attacked him on. It's all so overwhelming at times as my husband is not much support. He is bipolar and suffers depression most of the time. I found your blog when I found your app. I'm looking forward to reading more. I know God is sovereign and that He uses all things for our good. I'm trusting him.

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    Replies
    1. Bless your heart, Marsha. We have a strong team of prayer warriors, so feel free to share your prayer requests with us too. We're here for you on the journey. <3

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