Monday, March 3, 2014

Liar, Liar, Pants on fire!

  

Psalm 37: 5, 6  “Commit everything you do to the Lord.
    
Trust him, and he will help you.  He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.”  NLT

This post is dedicated to all of my friends out there dealing with the lies their ill child tells about them.  Those looks at church, the shunning from family and friends, and the outright unwarranted rebuke all come from those lies.

David was such a gregarious person.  He greeted my friends when they came over, opened the door for them, and even took an interest in their personal lives.  Many called him charming, a perfect gentleman, and friendly.  Even after he became sick, he could at least hold it together for a short time.  He was still quite gregarious, kind, and loving.   He often had genuine concern for others.  The illness couldn't take that away from him.  It was at his core.

However, many people never saw the dark side of what Borderline Personality Disorder did to him and how he coped with it.  It may be hard to believe, but one of his coping mechanisms was to lie.  He would do just about anything to take the focus off of the bad things about his illness.  Often he’d tell lies about others in his relationship sphere to make himself look like the victim.  Or he’d tell lies to try and get out of trouble.  It didn’t help either that much of the data on BPD says that many of those diagnosed with it have had some sort of trauma in their life.  As his parents, we often were the brunt of those lies. 

For example,  I had one such conversation about my husband with a friend who was really concerned for our family.  David had told her that my husband was an alcoholic.  The picture he painted was of alcoholism and abuse.  I assured her that I had never even seen my husband a little tipsy. 

He was smearing the very people that were taking up his cause.  I was his biggest advocate with my husband in a close second.

I don’t even know all of what he said about us, but from what we did hear it couldn’t have been good.  One minute we’d be the best parents ever and the next we were as he put it, “the devil”.   We soon found out that it was pointless to try and reason with him when he was in this state.  He couldn’t bring himself to admit his lie even when the facts were laid out right in front of him. He also would lie so much that he would actually believe his lies over time.

I would wonder who was believing him and who was judging me.  It really bothered me at first and I would have loved to just shout to these people “Do you realize that all of those things you heard are lies?”  I kept quiet and my innocence was shown by my life.  People saw through the lies fairly quickly and saw that I was David’s biggest advocate.  

I love the verses above because they say five things.
1.  Commit everything  to God.
2.    Trust God.
3.    He’ll help.
4.   He’ll show your innocence.
5.    People will see the justice of your cause.

If my son can lie his way out of jail and get a stranger to pay his $1000 bail, then you know his lies are quite believable at first. 


I would like to encourage those parents that have this happening to them as well.  We all know how believable these lies are.  After all, we believed many of them at first or maybe I was just more gullible than other parents. 

Not all or even many of those with BPD or Bipolar or …... lie, but when this becomes one of their coping mechanisms it really can have a whole bunch of collateral damage, especially on the family.


Prayer:  Lord, Help the truth come out sooner rather than later.  Help those of us dealing with this when these hurtful things are said.  Protect us from the wounds these lies create.  Help us to see through the lies to the hurting person telling those lies. Give us resolve to keep on keeping on a life driven by your word.


Photo courtesy of:  arture84 from http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

4 comments:

  1. I've dealt with this all my life though not with my own children. My dad has BPD as well as 3 of my siblings. I understand that it is common to find familial aggregation. I live my life as you do - trusting the Lord to make the truth known and living my life transparently so those who see me walk the walk with Him outside of the lies. It hasn't been an easy walk but it is one where I walk with my head held high, knowing I walk in the light with the Lord by my side.

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    1. Amy, Thanks for your comments. I have found that sometimes when he told the truth I wouldn't believe it because of all of the lies. As you said, "walking in the light of the Lord" is the only way!

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  2. Wow, Ann...thanks for this perspective...

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