"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..."
~ Ephesians 5:25, NIV ~
Given the propensity for divorce in this nation (nearly half of all marriages end in divorce), I was inspired to ask my husband why he has stayed with me and the kids all of these years. With Valentine's Day looming, and thoughts of love floating through the air, I wondered why he sticks with our marriage when so many other men leave. Here is what he wrote for your consumption. (Maybe this will give you a little peek into why I think he's worth staying married to as well!)
WHY STAY?
Why not?, may be easier to answer. As the father of 3 children that combined, have numerous
special needs, I sometimes wonder why I am still here with my family. Once special needs children are in the mix, a great number of fathers bail out and leave
mom to deal with the chaos! Leaving could look a lot easier than staying to
work out all the normal family challenges along with the added wild card of raising children with special
challenges.
Why leave? The endless medical bills will stop, no more
re-arranging work schedules to help out with doctor appointments, I can stop
asking, "Why us?", no more losing a career
because your boss found out your child's medical bills will be at least
$200,000 a year and climbing! Working for a small business could raise the employer's
medical insurance premiums to a level high enough to put them out of business, so
finding a new job is not easy either.
Marriage
in a perfect world is difficult hard work. Marriage in the realm of special
needs children is equally difficult on top of energy draining, sometimes
hopelessly watching your excess income all going to pay medical bills. Dream
vacations are just that -- a dream yet to happen. I could go on and on about what
it would be like to live like normal families, who have difficult decisions to
make like, "What color will our next car
be?", "What place will we take the family for dinner or vacation?", "What will be the next sport will our kids
join?", or "How do I keep up with other Christians that have a charmed family
life?".
"Why stay?", I seldom ask. Why I stay is my choice. My wife and children are why I stay. We, as a family team, have survived all the crap listed
above, and our love and spunky humor keep us together. Marriage is a commitment, and so is raising
children. Like it or not, I have signed up for it. In my mind, parents cannot
quit or be fired. It is a job for life. When one of us is weak, the other is
there to be strong, and the rolls shift often. Sometimes we are both weak, and
that is when we can fall apart together. Tomorrow is another day, and we can
start fresh knowing we have each other to lean on.
I do not understand how a parent can leave his family. Though many special needs dads that do, I cannot relate. I would be empty
without the humor and love of this rag tag team we call OUR family! God
never promised to not give us more than we can handle, but sometimes, I do think he trusts us
too much!
PRAY: Lord, You created marriage. It isn't easy, even in the best of couples. Please strengthen our marriage and help us to make it through the difficulties of raising a child with special needs. Bless our years together, and grant us a relationship that soars far beyond our time as caregivers.
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