Friday, September 6, 2013

Am I Doing Enough For My Child?

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. ~ 1 Peter 4:8, NIV

No matter how much I write and speak about battling the parental guilt that beleaguers all of us, it never seems to permanently evict the practice of questioning myself.  That is not necessarily a bad thing.  Introspection helps lessen my ever-raging sinful pride and soften my heart so that I am a bit more teachable.  Self-examination spurs me on to greatness by allowing me to see what I could do better next time.

Yet, there are times where the answers to questions about myself cannot be answered.  When my children are struggling with things related to their special needs, discernment can be so hard for me.  Am I pushing the school staff to much?  Or am I pushing too little?  Am I being too stubborn and irrational with the doctors?  Or am I being to acquiescent?  Am I doing enough for my child?  Should I be doing more?

I get frustrated.  When we are fighting over the same things at home or the same struggles continue at school, I want so badly to get unstuck.  When we are medically battling the same questions for years without improvement, I am angry and don't feel taken seriously by our providers.  When my children are not taking responsibility or lack the emotional maturity I think they should have, I wonder where I am going wrong. 

Fortunately, I have a Savior who covers all my mistakes.  The answers to each of those questions with which I wrestle are subjective at best and unattainable at worst.  My job is to do my level best, within the guidelines of what God has taught me in His word, and trust Him completely.  (See Colossians 3:23-24)  Any deficits on my part, He will cover.  He IS love, so if I work on behalf of my children with scriptural love, I can be assured that He will make up for my "multitude of sins" (and boy, they are many).  

What comfort to know that the Lord has my back in raising my children!  On those days when I blow it and lose my cool with medical staff, I can know He can heal the damage I caused.  When I don't press hard enough for answers from school personnel, He is still advocating on our behalf.  All I need to do is my best, and that is good enough.

The other night I was slicing up some portions of meat for dinner.  As I divvied up what I had just cooked, the Holy Spirit brought a sudden revelation to me.  "And you are worried that you might not be doing enough for your children?  Your mother certainly wasn't slicing your meat for you at that age."  I smiled as this thought came over me.  I am not known for overcompensating for my kids, but I unexpectedly found myself with some good perspective.  

Thank God He covers our many sins as we imperfectly walk this path of parenthood!

PRAY:  Father, I cast my cares on You because I know You care for me.  Thank You for covering over my shortcomings by the power of Your love.  Remind me to trust in that reality the next time I find myself falling short.

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