The alarm goes off at 5 AM so that I can enjoy a brief 30 minutes in quiet, soaking in God's word, hoping to hear His voice before the demands of school-aged children and a groggy husband fill the house. I hit the snooze button praying that just 10 more minutes will give me the energy I so desperately need. Sadly, the child that crawled into bed with me last night kicks me again, awakening me to the fact that I need to administer an IV before another child can leave the house today. There's no rest for me.
As I finish brewing coffee, I hope that I can fill my emotional cup with just a drop of Divine vigor to greet my day with gladness. But the weight of what I'm carrying has my hope drained before I'm even out of my bathrobe. I have more medical appointments to schedule for the children today. There are erroneous medical bills to contest. Our new testing request for an IEP looms, while every day at school represents hell to the child in my bed. And our credit card has declined again as my husband bears the increasing load of working more for less pay. There's so much to fight for, and no fight left in me.
What happened to the hope that transcends my circumstances? Lord, I need to know this gets better, that it won't last forever. I want to dissolve in a puddle of tears. Every fiber of my drained spirit needs someone to care for me. Yet, if I slow down, who will be strong for my children? They grieve. They are beaten around by their diagnoses, and by their peers. I need to be their standard bearer, guiding them through the struggles they face in this world. I pray that will be enough to give them a bright future, reflecting Your glory in this dark world. Please, Father, make all this suffering worth something. Redeem our sorrow.
Renew my soul. You are the lifter of my head. My dreams may be shattered, but I know You, O Lord, offer us a glorious eternity that far outweighs our pain. Grant me the stamina to keep running and to finish well. Restore to me the joy of knowing that I'm passing through this heaviness to a place where there is no more crying or anguish. Help our little family, buffeted by life's pounding waves, to catch our breath, to enjoy the simple pleasures that others take for granted. Refill me to face another day. Without Your hope, I would be utterly crushed.
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