Friday, December 14, 2012

Mustard Seed Faith

"I can guarantee this truth: If your faith is the size of a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
~Matthew 17:20, GW~ 

Our son hasn't been doing so well these past few months.  In fact, since August, the pressure and troubles have grown in increasing measure.  This month has been especially horrific with treks 2-3 times per week to our children's hospital 30 miles away.  He has probably missed more school than he has attended, and is remarkably discouraged as he suffers.

Meanwhile, I receive comments like these via e-mail and on his Caringbridge page:  "I seriously don't know how y'all do it! Your faith, humor and strength amaze me."  "How do you do what you do for those in need as parents to special needs children and manage all you have at home as well?  You maintain encouragement to others even when you are grappling with such delicate life quality issues at home."  Really?  Comments like this shock me because I feel the exact opposite.  I perceive myself to be a stumbling block to people these days.  I suffer loudly.  I cry out for Christ's deliverance.  I wonder uselessly why God couldn't have chosen  me to endure the pain and anguish rather than this precious boy of ours.  As Jacob wrestled with God at Peniel, so I daily wrestle with Him in frustration and even anger.  Messy, disorganized, worn down, exhausted, unmotivated, self-pitying all seem much more apt descriptions in my opinion.

Yet, in this rumination, God has brought Matthew 17:20 to mind.  He reminds me that even in my absolute imperfection, just a small amount of faith is all it takes for Him to be able to reflect His glory through us.  It is not our doing, but His that makes us remarkable in the midst of life's worst storms.  After all, it is His "power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)  

So I am encouraged to plod on in the midst of terrible adversity with my teeny tiny mustard seed faith knowing that He still receives all the glory He deserves.  His power, beauty, love, patience and wisdom all reign supreme, not because of us, but in spite of us.

PRAY:  Lord, when life is at its lowest, cause me to remember that Your power is perfect in my weakness.  Thank You for loving me no matter how imperfect I feel.

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