Monday, January 10, 2011

Anatomy of an ADHD/SPD Baptism


Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”  (Matthew 19:14, NIV)

A parent dreams from day one of their child's life how they would like that child to turn out.  Countless books and resources flood the market to help us steer these kids through everything from sleep to studies to good decision making.  We do everything in our power to be a positive influence on how our children develop, but at some point, their lives and their decisions must become their own.

This can be especially challenging in the area of faith.  I know what I passionately believe, and I want more than anything to be with all three of my children in heaven some day.  Just like God, it is my desire that none of these children be lost.  To that end, I have taught and raised them in our Christian faith not only through church programming, but in homeschooling and in practical teachable moments.

Much to my delight, my two older children came to a decision to invite Christ into their lives at a young age.  They had favorite Bible verses and announced them proudly at their baptisms.  Each of them had come to me and asked me how they could have Jesus live inside their hearts.  After being certain that each of them had grasped exactly what that meant, at their request, I had guided them in "the believer's prayer".  Shortly after that point came their baptisms.  I had full confidence in their decisions and have continued to guide them along the way in the years that have followed.

My youngest daughter, however, has not been such an open-and-shut case.  She came to me like the others did, about a year or so ago, asking the same question, wanting to have Jesus live inside of her.  I guided her to the point of "the believer's prayer".  But despite that prayer, I seriously doubted her conversion.

You see, in case you didn't already know it, our youngest child has a serious case of ADHD that has been unsuccessfully treated due to her severe drug allergies.  She was also recently diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), being both sensory avoidant and sensory seeking in every area but one of those evaluated.  When you combine a child who is impulsive to the point of her exuberance overriding her ability to reason with one who reacts in unusual ways in order to compensate for senses that don't work the way everyone else's do, you have quite a mess.  What I see on a daily basis is a little girl who is constantly touching others, crying, ever-moving and who delays obedience, if she complies at all.

So when she began hounding me over being baptized, I frankly put her off.  I told her things like, Oh, yeah, we'll have to look into that.  Then when she began hearing at various times of year that our church would be offering upcoming baptisms (because she's so darn intelligent), I began apologizing, saying that I had just forgotten to register her.  Then when she started stomping her feet expressing her feelings of injustice as to why she couldn't get baptized when every other family member had, I got up the courage to tell her the truth.  I explained that before I could move forward with such a faith commitment, I needed to see some "fruit" in her life (ie love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, self-control).  In other words, I confessed that I hadn't contacted the church because I needed evidence that a conversion really had taken place.  She certainly didn't like my answer, and she never acquiesced in requesting to be baptized every time she knew they were being done at our church.

One day I was talking to my friend, Dr. Steve Grcevich on the phone about another issue.  Since I know he has expertise in the area of ADHD and ministry, I asked him what he had thought about our Sophie continuing to request baptism.  He asked me why I had not allowed her to be baptized up to this point.  And when I explained my reasoning to him, his answer to me cleared every cloud away and opened the path for this eight-and-a-half year old girl to realize her wish.  He opined, "Well, did you start producing fruit the minute you invited Jesus into your life?  If you think she understands what she's doing, then I think you should let her do it!"  It made so much sense, I felt embarrassed.  Here most Christian parents would love to have their child make a commitment of faith, and yet I'm denying my daughter the opportunity.

As I pondered this whole situation further, it broke my heart.  Coming to understand some aspects of both her ADHD and her SPD, I realize there are some behaviors that she just cannot control without much work and retraining.  Can you imagine willing to follow Christ and yet, being unable to keep yourself from some socially unacceptable actions, feeling like the "naughtiest" sinner in the world?  What sadness I felt when the neuropsychologist announced that her testing revealed that she thinks, "I'm a bad kid," "Nobody likes me," and "I don't like myself."  It became apparent to me that she needed that positive experience of baptism and the growing confidence of knowing that no matter how much her disabilities mess with the rest of her life, she is secure in her Savior.  He made her.  He loves her.  She is forgiven through Him.  And He can recycle her difficulties for amazing good.

Two weeks ago, they made that announcement again that they would be offering baptisms on the second Sunday in January.  This time when my eager little girl asked if she could be baptized, I had the joy of telling her "yes".  Her happiness was palpable.  She began planning who she wanted to be there and how we would celebrate.

To their great credit, Crosspoint Community Church, who has supported our ministry since day one, was very open to allowing a little girl with such challenges be baptized.  The Pastor of Spiritual Development, Dan Morse, whom I've known for years, spoke with me by phone before the event to make sure Sophie was ready for this big step.  He listened intently and with good discernment as I explained the whole journey to him.  I was overjoyed when he not only agreed to move forward with her baptism, but also suggested that my husband might join her in the baptismal pool and help baptize his daughter.  Whether he knew it or not, that was a terrific insight!

This definitely wasn't the "typical" baptism that I went through with my other two.  Despite her high level of intelligence, she didn't have a favorite Bible verse that she wished to share, but rather wanted to announce, "I want to be baptized because I love God and I want the whole world to know!"  Fancy, traditional clothes were out of the question with her SPD.  And she was so excited that sitting through the service was virtually impossible as her body needed to move or have strong physical input in order to feel comfortable.  Nevertheless, she has driven her stake in the ground, telling the world where she stands.  And we couldn't be more overflowing with joy that it's on the side of Jesus!

11 comments:

  1. YES! Awesome when faithful parents and a loving and supportive church family can work together to raise kids who love God and are excited about serving Him!

    Welcome to the family, Sophie!

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  2. Hooray! What a wonderful story~ thanks, Barb, as always for sharing your life so that we can all learn!

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  3. Tears flowing here Barb. Absolutely beautiful.

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  4. Congrats to your SPD child and to your entire family. I understand the challenges of bringing a special needs child into your faith. Luckily like us you have a connection to those that truly understand and welcome your child lovingly into the fold.

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  5. What a beautiful story! Praise be to God for always taking us right where we are and loving us unconditionally. We are HIS children and nothing can separate us from HIM. What an exciting time for you both as parents to see your child professing Jesus as LORD and SAVIOR! GOD is good, ALL the time! :D

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  6. She may be one of a very few who are SOOOO loved by God that they are given a thorn in the flesh at an early age so that they will truly grasp- early- what needing a savior really means and that she truly can do NOTHING apart from Christ! This is what so many Christians need and will get from Him someday if they are truly His. He won't leave them forever in their state of self righteousness, pride and self sufficiency. The Bible is full of folks that God worked through that there is no way they could have done the things they did apart from Him. He got all the glory that way! (Look at Moses, Gideon, Paul who murdered Christians, the disciples, etc. etc.) He loves her so much and has such big plans for her that Christ has given her this understanding of her weaknesses apart from Him at a very young age. This is truly exciting!

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  7. Well done.
    She is a gift also to you and will help you to see God in a new way through her eyes and perhaps you will find some new insights also into how God sees all of us and works with all of us quite uniquely so according to our individual needs.

    Although you will be stretched to new coping boundaries yourself because of the new challenges you face as a parent, God will provide and meet your needs continually even in tough times.

    God Bless you and your daughter and your whole family. Depending on God's grace keeps us humble, lol.

    If you have time check out ASPBRIGGA which is a website that aims to support couples where either partner has Asperger's- a high functioning form of autism:-) http://www.aspbriggairl.com

    In Christ-Alison

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  8. What a blessing to read about God's work in your daughter's life!

    Lisa
    www.LisaBlogs.com

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  9. Barb...I just read this for the first time. wow.brought tears to my eyes.....

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  10. Thanks, Linda! It chokes me up when I read about it again too!

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