Thursday, July 15, 2010

No Wonder I'm Always Tired!

"He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:29-31, NLT)

A thought suddenly occurred to me the other day while my extremely active 8 year old with raging, un-medicated ADHD and sensory issues was off on a play date. The thought was that this was only the 2nd day she had been away from me all summer!

You see, I have been edgy, cranky, frustrated. And I feel a certain sense of guilt that I'm not being a very engaged, very good mother to my children over their summer break. Other moms are taking their kids to the beach and the zoo, running them to baseball and gymnastics practices. Even so, I still feel like I never get a break. I can barely keep a toilet cleaned!

But as I wear my "hair shirt" and engage in self-deprecation, it occurs to me that Satan himself is whispering lies in my ears. I'm not the failure that I fear I am. Having 3 kids at home full-time is a demanding job in and of itself. Add to that mix the fact that 2 of them have special needs that require added care and attention, coupled with copious doctor's appointments over the summer months, and life gets difficult. Now add to that a new puppy whom you're trying to train to not only be house-broken, but also to behave in a calm manner in the hopes he might one day serve as your therapy dog. A mother can barely use the bathroom by herself lest the children engage in some risky activity with the pup. Whew!

If I have a morning where I actually have obtained enough sleep and am able to wake before the kids, I can reflect on all that's being required of me, all that I am doing, and Who is getting me through. Why are we mothers always so hard on ourselves? Why do we compare and feel like we're less-than if we're not exactly like others? It is God alone that is holding me up and helping me meet the demands of the summer. As Isaiah's passage refers to, even youths would grow weary in my situation. If I had children who were invited on play-dates as other kids are, perhaps my days would look different too. If I had been able to schedule summer sports or classes, the dynamic might change. But my Almighty Father is able to accomplish His good purposes in our summer just as it is. I need to remember that this is just a season of life, and I'm not a bad person if I crave the structure of having the kids back at school. I'm also a typical special needs parent if I still crave the desire to have the fun family outings that other families have.
For this summer, the library reading program, puppy training classes and a couple of camping trips will have to suffice. I'm giving it all I've got, with God's grace, and good enough is good enough.

1 comment:

  1. Yes, you are only human and whether it is Satan or not, society tells SAHMs that our job is worthless. I think we can thank the "women's movement" for that little dittie. You do an incredible job and not only support your family but more people than I can think of...YOU ROCK