Fast forward to age eight. Things continued to solidify my suspicions. As her peers moved out of the concrete thinking stage, could enjoy jokes, and started learning social cues, my girl floundered. All the suspicions stored up in my heart compacted. I felt a pain in my gut. I prayed, cried, and freaked out. I reacted in fear.
BUT, God's "perfect love casts out all fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us" (1 John 4:17-19). I had been selfishly worrying about how this all would effect me. I feared the "punishment" of this. I had my own plans, dreams and ideas about my life and special needs was not part of it.
Those truths were so hard for me to admit but they were true. I would not chose this life on my own if I had a clean slate to pick from, however, living it now I can see it is the best plan for us. God is wise and good in His foreknowledge and planning of our lives. He will work out everything for our good and use it to conform us into the image of His Son (Romans 8:28-29). This is most important.
God chose to answer my prayer with no. We did get an autism diagnosis of Asperger's. When I look at it now I see the blessing in it. My entire family is more mindful of others because of the path we daily walk. We are more empathetic and helpful to others struggling in life. We take note of others with these same daily challenges that many others do not see. Most importantly it does allow us the opportunity to die daily to ourselves and cling to our Savior, our constant source of strength. As we follow His pattern of laying our lives down, we then rise up in greater strength. Death to self must come before the resurrection of strength in Him.
As a good Father, God saw this path as best for us. I also know my aspie girl is thankful for how God made her wonderfully and fearfully (Psalm 139). How He did not make a mistake as He knit her together in my womb (Psalm 139). She is thankful to be unique and would not change it. I would not either for we trust God's great plan for us in and through the challenges of it. We embrace it and rely fully on Christ.
Prayer: Father, help us to embrace the greater plan you have for our lives even when we do not understand or do not like it. Help us to trust you and allow our trials to conform us into the image of Christ. Help us to see others and help when we can. Help us to comfort others as you comfort us. In Jesus Name. Amen.