Even reading that in my head makes me cringe a little. I don't want to be that person. I want to be strong and resilient, brave and unbreakable. It's extremely challenging to be that bare, that transparent, even in prayer. I have tried to talk with close friends like this and the response usually indicates to me that I should insert a loud "HA! Just kidding! I never ACTUALLY think these things" and then change the subject.
But God actually calls to the weak and weary in me. He says "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28) He promises, in Hebrews 2:18, "Because he himself suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted." And if those weren't enough, he modeled the perfect version of this transparency just moments before he was betrayed, captured, and led to be beaten, tried and killed.
As a parent of a blended family, 2 step-sons with special needs, and two sons under the age of 4, there are so many days that I spend feeling like I'm fighting an impossible battle. There are so many moments where I honestly don't think I can continue.
But Jesus has walked through my struggles. He has been in a place so low that he didn't want to continue and asked for a way out. Even in that moment, Jesus prayed "Yet not what I will, but what you will."
PRAY: LORD, all my inmost being praises your holy name. Please teach me to pray with a bare and transparent soul like you did in the garden. Let me live my life in honor of your will, not mine. Amen.